SVM characters grumble
by Vitzy
Summary: Eric and the crew have some grumbles for the fanfiction authors...
1. Eric grumbles

**Disclaimer – Me not CH.**

Eric's grumbles.

Dear Blood bags ,

I'm not an overgrown teddy bear and nor will I ever be. Please stop making me 'fall in love' . I'm a vampire. WE DO NOT LOVE!

Yours sincerely ,

Eric the Northman.

**A/N – So I've got Sam and Pam and Bill coming up next...what do you think they will grumble about?**


	2. Bill Grumbles

**Disclaimer – I own nothing...**

Dear ladies ,

I kindly request with my most southerly charm that you stop portraying me as the 'baddie' .

Honestly I love Sookeh , I didn't want to hurt her feelings!

Charlaine has great plans for mah sookeh and I...until then...

Yours sincerely ,

William (Bill) Compton


	3. Amelia grumbles

**Disclaimer: you all know I'm not Charlaine...**

Okay listen up girls ,

That whole boyfreind-into-cat thing was a one off! My magic has vastly improved and I'm not just Sookie's ditzy friend. I do have an important role. MAKE ME SERIOUS DAMN IT!

I mean it...I want to see 'oh that wonderfully talented woman amelia...' or I'll zap all of you into animals with my fantastic witchy powers. And one more thing , Dad and I may not be speaking right now but I'll have you know if he catches wind of all the fun you guys poke at me...well let's say I'd be the one laughing!

Your sincerely ,

Amelia Broadway

P.s – Eric? Suck it up...you ARE a teddy bear!


	4. Sam grumbles

**Disclaimer: I'm not her ,alright!**

Dear authors ,

Do you think I have a bloody death wish? Sookie's vampire would kill me (_not that I'm afraid of him-or a good fight for that matter)_ if I started hitting on what's 'his'. Seriously get your acts together! We're not dating. Never did. Never will.

And ughh , just how twisted are you guys? What's with all this Arlene x Sam ? That woman hates what I am! Why would she ever date a dog _(no pun intended)_ like me?

One more thing...I'M STRAIGHT! You people have me confused with a certain African-American cook...

Yours sincerely ,

Sam Merlotte

P.S – Amelia you are jeopardising your chances with Pam by pissing her maker off and even with your powers you won't be able to beat Eric , believe me I've tried.


	5. Pam grumbles

**Disclaimer – Nah it's vitzy not charlaine...**

**A/N : To all of you who have reviewed and/or put this on alert...thank you SO much! I actually got this idea after reading similar ones in the HP fandom so I was wondering if there would be a crowd out here who'd be interested in it. Oh and I though I'd add , if this offends anyone I am deeply sorry because that is not my intention! **

Dear Vermin ,

Eric is my maker. I can never be his. He can never be my child. This idiotic role-reversal is the limit!

Please redeem yourselves and write about Pam and Eric child-maker relationships. Possibly drop a line or two in _(if you have the brains , that is_) about how Pam needs a new pair of pumps and a new car...

Yours NOT sincerely,

Pamela Ravenscroft

P.S – Sookie my favourite human , I won the bet...you owe me...I told you Eric would lie about confessing his love to you.

P.P.S –Amelia – regardless of what that stupid shifter has been saying- Eric has no control over my dates. How about we go shoe hunting tomorrow night? Do let me know , beautiful :)

**A/N : Who would you like next? Review!**


	6. Alcide Grumbles

**Disclaimer : I'm not Charlaine.**

**A/N : I haven't read Dead Reckoning yet so if this character seems OOC then I'm sorry!**

Dear fellow citizens of Earth,

Firstly I am sure you don't mean it but please realise that I am a pack leader. I do have immense strength! Surely you all have enough sense to understand that a man's pride is everything? Then why must you break mine each and every time you write how Eric _(pfft he is lucky that Sookie doesn't let me call him that arrogant vampire a git, even though it's true)_ beats me in every single battle?

Yes , I get it. You're all still reeling from the whole Debbie Pelt shenanigan. But that was so long ago. And you know I never wanted Sookie to get hurt! _*starts to pout*_

Give me a break already! And I'm not the manipulative one in Sookie's life either_(that title definitely belongs to Bill)_ the whole shaman thing was kinda necessary , and she didn't complain!

Make me macho next time you write about me-get it?

Yours wolfily ,

Alcide Heveroux

**A/N – Hmm , not as great as I thought. OH well. Got Tara coming up next...**


	7. Tara Grumbles

**Disclaimer : Still haven't turned into Charlaine...still trying!**

**A/N: Firstly thank you to EVERYBODY who reviewed. You guys are truly 'mazing! And the credit for this chapter really goes to 'FiniteAnarchy' for putting forth this idea . (Her bit is italicised and bold)**

Hello all y'all

I don't know why I'm always shown as being in Merlotte's...funny that since I actually have a shop in Shreveport where I work! _(It's called Tara Togs and it's brilliant if I may say so myself. Next time y'all visit Eric or Sookie , drop us a line.) _

In fact , I hardly see Sookie these days! She's busy saving the vamp world and I'm busy saving the next fashion crisis. Our worlds don't collide that often so how exactly am I to blame for all of Sookie's um Fuck ups? But wait! That's not even the best part. This is : _**"Hey sookie , I'm taking you to Fangtasia we're going to have an awesome time" 3 hours later Sookie meets Eric and Tara disappears into oblivion!**_What's that? Oh you recognise it do you? Well y'all should! That's like the first _(and here I really must commend your originality)_ line in about 50 stories on this site. Do you guys have like a secret fanfiction authors society where you decide to all use the same ideas? _(Vitzy starts squirming a bit here)_

Why can it never be Arlene who takes Sookie onto some retarded adventure which nearly always ends with Eric saving Sookie? Or Claudine? Or well dammit , anyone! And why do I always disappear! Shesh it feels like I'm talking to a bunch of morons...well if you come to my shop I'll forgive you. Then you'll just be fashionable morons.

Yours errr sincerely , I guess

Tara Thornton

P.S : You better watch out Eric! Sookie's a force to reckon with.


	8. Jason grumbles

**Disclaimer – No me own anything  
**

"_Uh...what do I do here?"_

"_...Introduce yourself..."_

"_Oh right..."(Clears throat)_

Uh hi um beautiful ladies ,

Just like to point out , I'm not as stupid as you think I am...really. I did go to the local elementary...oh and the high school. And I have a respectable job thank you very much!

In the future , please make me intelligent in your stories or I'll get sad. _(Pouty face)_

Loving y'all

The Stackhouse

"_Jason! Sign off properly!"_

"_All right , all right"_

Loving y'all ,

Jason Stackhouse

P.S : Sook is an independent gal , she doesn't need me half the time so don't make me all 'bad older brother' character...

**A/N : So I was thinking of doing like couples and stuff...like y'know Sookie and Eric doing a grumble together or Sam and Laffy doing one together...what do you think?**


	9. Quinn grumbles

**Disclaimer : When I start owning Harry Potter and use polyjuice potion to turn into Charlaine , I'll let y'all know...**

Dear Quinn haters ,

Yes , I am aware how much y'all hate me...but Vitzy says I should get a grumble as well even though I was apparently in one too many books _(shocking , I know!)_ so just deal with it. At least I'm better than Bill. At least I was honest with her...well once she found out about my sister , I told her that she was right . That counts!

What I don't get is how come y'all love Bill and can even forgive him (because of some dumbass reason like the fact 'he's a vamp , it's in his nature' ) and then there is that over manipulative jerk of an Eric but me? Oh no we can't forgive poor old tiger-Quinn just because he happens to love his sister more than his girlfriend! At least I wasn't pretending to love Sookie and I would never ignore her months on ends just because I've got my nose buried deep into vamp politics...

Anyway I know you're not really going to see my point of view and frankly I don't even care. But what hurts is when you show me as working personally for Eric! Just WHAT kind of revenge is that!

You are just prejudiced. No wonder Alcide was FUMING the other day. He told me how much BS everyone on ff gave him over the whole Debbie/Sookie issue!

And finally , perhaps the most important one : Sookie is MY babe! If I don't get her then no way in hell does Eric get to call her babe!

Yours ferociously _(hey , I'm a tiger)_

John Quinn

P.S – Jerk , we all know you've banned me from your area. Drop the pretences it's not because of my sister it's because you know that deep down I'm better for Sookie than you ever will be and you're scaaaaaaared.

**A/N : I was aiming to update like every two days or something but I still have exams...I'm trying my best! Tell me what you think. I never really liked Quinn's character so I sort of always skimmed his parts so if something is wrong ...tell me **


	10. Lafayette grumbles

**Disclaimer : Not owning anything still...**

Dear Hookahs

I'm DEAD!

That is all.

Yours sincerely ,

Lafayette Reynolds

P.s : Am I the best chef that Sam never had? Yes. Am I gay? Stupid question _*points to lipstick and eye makeup*_ But am I in love with Vampire Eric? HELLZ NO! Where did you even get that idea! I aint Sookie. Haven't had a sex change.

_Yet._

**A/N : Review please :) **


	11. They all grumble

**Disclaimer – Still not getting paid for this so therefore I'm not HER...**

Dear blood bags/ladies/fanfiction authors

**Sookie and Hunter:** We're human and part fae and telepaths

**Bill , Eric and Pam :** We're vampires

**Sam :** I'm a shifter

**Jason :** I was human...now I'm a turned werewolf ,I think? _(Everyone else rolls their eyes)_

**Arlene and Lafayette :** We're JUST human _(Vitzy and other fanfiction authors : Laffy didn't you just grumble that you're dead? * Laffayette grimaces*)_

**Amelia :** I'm a witch _(Eric glowers in her direction)_

**Quinn :** I'm a were-tiger _(Everyone turns to look at him in contempt – especially Sookie and Sam)_

**Alcide **: I'm the leader of the Shreveport were society- take a guess of my identity...? _(__**Jason : uh , a were? **__Everyone rolls eyes again)_

**Niall :** I'm the Prince of faerum _(Everyone gasps at his sudden appearance except Eric who just growls and attempts to push Sookie behind him )_ _N.b – attempt being the operating word , Sookie thwarts his arm away and obviously the love-sick vampire lets her._

**Charlaine :** Stop changing my character's species! _(everyone sniggers , apart from Jason who asks what 'species' means and Bill who is still trying to be his southern gentlemanly self)_

Yours sincerely ,

The SVM PEOPLE

**A/N : I apologise for the long intervals between updates , I'm just really busy and unfortunately will be ,which means that this is going to be slowly. BUT I AM NOT ABANDONING IT! And the same is true for my other fic , The Viking in Shining Armour**

**On a more important note , who watched the first episode?**


	12. Ocella grumbles

**Disclaimer : I don't own the wonderful series which is The Southern Vampire mysteries**

**A/N : This one is for everybody who wanted a mention of Godric.**

Dear fools ,

Who the hell is Godric? I am the one who found Eric. Not this pathetic Godric.

I am the one who taught Eric all he knows about ,well ,everything.

I am the reason Eric the vampire exists. !

I am Eric's maker. NOT Godric!

Oh and also NO one has permission to call me Appius. What makes you think you can? You all better be watching out and hoping I don't where you live...because your lives are forfeit!

_*Vitzy giggles*_

YOU TOO VITZY! You're just as bad!

_*fanfic authors snigger*_

_*Ocella drops his fangs*_

_*EVERYBODY shuts up...even Eric!*_

Yours menacingly ,

Appius Livius Ocella (Yes I am still alive. FAIL , Eric!)

**A/N : Review...Review...Review...**


	13. Jess grumbles

**Disclaimer : This is getting kinda old...I AINT HER! **

Dear humans ,

I'm not Bill's child...

I'm not dating Hoyt...

I'm not an immortal virgin...

I'm not friendly with Sookie Stackhouse...

I've never met Eric or Pam...

I don't live in Bon Temps...

...because I do NOT EXISTS!

Yours sincerely ,

Jessica Hamby

**A/N : The couples stuff is coming up...soon! **

**Review please.**


	14. Claude grumbles

**Disclaimer : I own absolutely zilch...how sad :( **

Dear inferiors,

I'm the best.

I'm the most beautiful. _Not Jason...*shudders* women have no taste these days_

I'm the one that everyone wants.

I'm the one that has everyone mesmerised. _Duddettes, I own a strip club! You can't get more awesomer than that._

I'm the insanely gorgeous, lust-worthy Claude_. Forget Eric, I bite better...you get my drift?_

So anyway,

I should be in every single fanfiction...well get to it! I am a fairy...I can dazzle you with my amazing fairy glow.

Yours sincerely,

Claude

**A/N : Meh, this isn't my best. It was a bit of a filler. Chapter 20 will be Sookie, so tell me who would you like for the remaining five?**


	15. gran grumbles

**Disclaimer: I can only dream to be like the one and only Charlaine.**

Dear belles,

Now I've been reading some pretty nasty stuff about my darling granddaughter.

I'm tellin y'all now...leave my Sookie alone, you hear?

She's a lovely girl and whoever she chooses to spend her life with will be one lucky gentleman, I tell you that.

I may be dead and buried but if y'all don't stop hurtin my girl, I might just take a trip six feet over. You will never be able to understand the sacrifices Sookie has had to make. Her life has been so disrupted...give her some credit for that!

Now go and do some good and write Sookie in a Mary sue-esque role. After all, you don't get them better than that girl. In fact Mary-Sue could probably take a leaf out of Sookie's book.

One more thing, I raised Sookie.

Not her parents _(They died...you fools!) _

And definitely not Bartlett.

He ceased being my brother the day Sookie told me of his doings. No way would I let my babies live with that old fart!

Yours _dead _sincerely,

Adele Stackhouse.

P.s – Sook, you want me to come up and beat that delinquent Eric up? The spade is still in the shed I hope. Jason, darling...you just keep your head held high, you're a brilliant and highly intelligent boy, don't let the folks of Bon Temps _or these silly girls on fanfiction_ tell you any different.

**A/N: Just four more until Sookie... review please.**


	16. Niall grumbles

**Disclaimer: Meh, no, still Vitzy here. Sorry to disappoint.**

**A/N : Sorry for the slow updating...I'm a bit obsessed with HP at the moment. People on author alert would already know this, haha! Anyway...ENJOY.**

Dear beings of another dimension,

I do not appreciate being portrayed as a vile, ugly and mean great-grand-father. If any of you had even bothered to speak to Sookie , she would tell you how beautifully we get along.

Yes , we have our differences but we're family. I love her...nothing would change that. And it wasn't _my _idea to bring Eric into Sookie's life...that was her own decision. And she's her own person , I had no say in this.

But I will say this, better Eric than Bill...although I would still prefer if she mated with a fairie.

*sighs* if wishes were horses...oh wait! I'm the PRINCE OF FAERUM! I can MAKE WISHES BECOME HORSES...MWAHAHAHAHA!

Oops, sorry.

So what was I saying? Oh yes. I'm not evil. Stop with all the hate. Sheesh give this old man a break, dudes!

Yours magically,

Niall Brigant

**A/N : Thoughts? Only 3 more until Sookie!**


	17. Debbie grumbles

**Disclaimer: Sadly it's still Vitzy here!**

**A/N : READ THE A/N AT THE BOTTOM!**

Dear airheads,

I AINT CRAZY!

That is all.

Yours snobbishly,

Debbie Pelt

P.s – Sook, babes , nothing against ya , per say but girl everything is fair in love and war.

Lafayette : Debbie , girl , you stole my signature move...

Debbie: I KILL YOU NOW!

Laffayette : eh?

Debbie : I KILL YOU, I KILL YOU ALL!

Vitzy & co : So what were you saying , Debbie? Something about not being crazy?

**A/N : Hi guys, I'm reaching the end of the single character's grumbles (Sookie will be the final one). Before I begin the couples grumbling , which will be a separate thing to this. (more about it later)I thought it would be a good idea to have a 'fanfiction authors grumble'. This will be after Sookie's grumble and sort of my way of saying thank you to you all.**

**If you want to be included in the grumble list leave me your ONE LINED grumble and the name with which (if you're an anon reviewer) you want to appear.**

**For example if I was doing it it would appear like this:**

**Author Vitzy : Sookie you need to lighten up...**

**So yeh , if you're interested...you know what to do!**


	18. SophieAnn grumbles

**Disclaimer : Vitzy says "hello" Charlaine says...**_**I don't know , I'm not her you see...**_

**A/N : Read the A/N at the bottom, please.**

Dear Subjects,

I think it is quite appalling that you humans have manipulated my character into that of a demon's!

I have always been more than courteous to the Viking and even offered my child's protection to the Viking's human. The fact that Sookie was too scared to accept it, is a different one altogether!

I loved Hadley and never wanted her dead...SO STOP SAYING I KILLED HER!

Furthermore, I was a kind, fair and good Queen. Ask _anybody!_

Once I even bought an entire shoe shop for that child of the Viking's.

In the future I hope to see an improvement in my character development.

Yours regally,

Queen Sophie-Ann Leqlerq

P.S : Sookie, you could have saved my child. I only wish you had gotten to know him better. He's a darling he is.

P.P.S : Bravo, Eric, bring Castro down. I had a very good Queendom of vampires.

**A/N : Only one more until Sookie, who would you like? Also remember to send me you own grumble so that I can include it in the 'fanfiction authors grumble' chapter.**

**Reviiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeewwwwww...**


	19. Bobby grumbles

**Disclaimer : Seriously? Come on, **_**Seriously? **_**I'm really not going to bother saying I'm not Charlaine. Oh. Wait...I just did...**

**A/N: Read the Author note at the bottom!**

Dear blithering idiots who don't get to work for Mr. Northman,

For the love of GOD, I'm not gay!

**Lafayette: **And what, prey tell, is wrong with being gay?

**Pam : **Oh yes, do enlighten us, Burnham, what exactly is wrong with being homosexual?

Whaaa? Absolutely nothing! _NO..No...stop hitting me with your handbag you idiot cook!_

*After running away from a mad cook and a scary vampire*

As I was saying, you fanfiction authors have really got to stop with the 'Bobby loves Eric but Eric loves Sookie, so he hates Sookie'

It's madness on three levels, let me explain :

First : I'm not gay. I like Ginger...

Second : He's my damn boss! Everyone knows you keep your personal and professional life separate!

**Eric : So what about Ginger? She is a staff member too. *Muttering to himself: Why do I employ dimwits?***

Mr. Boss-man! I-I was just about to go to get you some true blood!

**Eric : Bobby, since **_**when **_**have I **_**ever**_** drunk that synthetic crap?**

Should I be running?

**Lafayette : Yes**

**Pam : Yes!**

**Eric : Why are you still standing here?**

*Runs away...again*

And my final reason why your story lines never work, authors :

Third : I hate Sookie, anyway, she's an overrated Blondie. I shudder just thinking of her!

**Eric : **_**What **_**did you just utter?**

*Bobby starts running again...*

Wait, you know what, you great stupid Viking? I'm dead already...you can't do anything to me! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...ooh, get me!

Yours sincerely,

Robert Burnham

**A/N : So...next chapter is Sookie! Yay! This is also the second last reminder to ALL OF YOU. I'm doing a 'fanfiction authors grumble' right after Sookie's. So **_**please **_**PM me/ let me know in a review your own grumble. So far, I've only got two :/ (Well three, if I count my own!)**

**So yeh, review and tell me your grumble.**

**Until then -Vitzy-**


	20. Sookie grumbles

**Disclaimer: Twenty chapters on and I'm still saying this...I'm not Charlaine :/ Please believe me!**

**A/N : Sorry for taking so long to update! I was getting over my bout of depression and really didn't feel like writing...but it's all good now. And I present you...SOOKIE!**

Dear Charlaine Harris wannabees,

Now listen up, I've got quite a few complaints to make.

Before I go to Merlotte's to sell more beer to even more idiotic red necks like my own brother and his dumb friends, let me tell you a few things.

Number one I was born in the 20th century. Not the Viking age. (That's Eric, you fools) Not the Victorian age...

_Pam : No wonder your dress sense is so awful!_

_Tara : Yours is pretty awful too, you both should come visit Tara Togs!_

***Pam bares fangs* **

_Hoyt : No! She's pregnant, don't hurt her!_

***Pam and Eric both bare fangs***

_Sookie : Eric, Pam, I'll get to you in a minute...now butt out_

Number two I have never even visited Europe let alone live there! I live in Bon Temps people, get it right!

_Arlene: Yeah, us barmaids get paid so little and our boss *cough* Sam the dog *cough* won't increase our wages._

_Sam the dog : Your fault, you decided to quit the job!_

_Eric : Sookie our next trip is to Sweden..._

Number three I have not had any type of relationship with Hoyt or Claude (he's gay!) or Lafayette or Terry or Andy or any made up characters.

_Eric : Grr, I knew I should have killed Lafayette in the basement!_

_Lafayette: You did. Alan Ball got it wrong._

_Sookie : Lafayette, you're the only sane one but please get out, it's MY TURN TO GRUMBLE! MWAHAHAHAHAHA_

_Debbie : And everyone calls me crazy..._

_Alcide: For good reason, too!_

***Debbie glares***

Number four I have only ONE brother. No more siblings and my only cousin is dead. I see a hell of a lot of 'Sookie's sister' or Sookie's long lost cousin'. Seriously? That's just so unrealistic!

_Claude : What about us? Aren't we family?_

_Niall : I am deeply insulted, you are not giving homeage to your fairy cult._

_Sookie: Your cult sucks! Take that old man, and get outta ma grumble!_

Well, I guess that was all really. Glad to get it all off my chest!

Yours sincerely ,

Sookie Stackhouse

P.S – Bill Compton you ARE a 'baddie'...

p.p.s – and it's SOOKIE!

_Bill : Sorry Sook-eh!_

_Lorena : Sorry about him, he's mentally unstable._

_Jessica : But killing you was about the sanest thing he's done_

_Sookie : GUYS! This is supposed to be MY grumble! Get the hell away from here!_

P.P.P.S Trust me Bobby, I hate you more than I love Eric.

P.P.P.P.S – Jason you're an idiotic and completely useless brother, these author people are too generous to you.

Oh and Eric? I agree with the witch...you are a teddy bear. You're _MY _Teddy-Bear. After all, I go to sleep cuddling you don't I?

_SVM CHARACTERS: Oh shut up Sookie/ Sook-eh. No one likes you anyway! We all knew you were a whiner and your endless grumbles just proves us right..._

_Charlaine Harris : I still love you Sookie, so I'm going to write two more absolutely thrilling books about your life :D_

_Sookie : Err, thanks...I think._

**A/N : So that's it guys :D Hope you liked it! Next chapter is the final one and it's the 'fanfic authors grumble' So PM me your own grumble so that I can include it in the next chapter.**

**Let me know what you think and review!**

**-Vitzy-**


	21. The Authors grumble

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters and this time I don't even own the content of the chapter! That's Charlaine Harris and various fanfiction authors respectively. The only thing I own is the concept of this story :D**

**A/N: I updated earlier than I though I'd be able to! Yay!**

**Soo...last one! You ready? Oh...remember, THIS IS FOR FUN, if you think you will be offended, let me suggest something...navigate away and read something else! **

**I've not changed much of the wording of what you all gave me. If I have it is only because upon editing, I found something which flowed better. And obviously I've edited any grammar or spelling mistakes. **

_**Ali989969 : grumble to the authors**_

I hate when Jason gets killed of pre-story. His pretty dimness and pseudo protective crap adds to stories.

**...**

_**Secretkpt: grumble to the authors**_

To the authors who write like 70 chapters then just quit, like cold turkey never to be heard from again. Yeah that's a huge huge issue! I feel stood up. I can't imagine how the characters must feel. Can you imagine being in the middle of a romance scene and not finishing it?

...

_**Opalsfire : Grumble to the characters on behalf of the authors**_

Dear characters, grow up you are kind of like little dollies in our play house. Sometimes we like to use you on our own ideas for your universe, so suck it up butter up! Now everyone play nice... Heh heh heh... Even you Eric. :)

...

_**Ashmoo2000 : Retort to Debbie Pelt**_

Shut up Debbie! Stop spreading your crazy! Yeah, I said it! YOU ARE CRAZY!

Number 1 sign that tells you that you are crazy 1) you try to kill someone who is already dead i.e.: Lafayette. Just saying. Thought you should know.

Stop hating on sookie, she don't want Alcide.

...

_**Vikt0ria : Grumble to Alan Ball!**_

GPOV:

After watching Episode 45 of TB Viktoria calls Mr. B…

"Mista Beez awffice." A woman's voice answered snapping her gum.

"I'd like to speak to Mr. B please." Viktoria asks.

"Mr. B" he answers on speaker.

"Mr. B, my name is Viktoria and I write FanFiction I got a bone to pick with you." she says.

"Francine, why the hell are you letting nut cases through? I'm a very busy man!" he yells while pressing buttons on the phone "How the hell do you hang up this phone!" he calls out.

"Now you listen to me Mister… do you have my computer bugged? 'Cause twice now I've written something and before I get to post it, something eerily similar happens on your show." Viktoria says through the beeping… the beeping stops.

"Yeah right, like you don't "borrow" from me… Yvetta… the dayroom… need I say more?" he said sarcastically.

"Oh Pfft! Whatever just stop beating me to the punch… and give me a break I don't make millions for my ** like you do for yours…" before Mr. B could answer "Come on V back me up here!" she hisses into the phone.

"Ah… yeah it's true I read her rough draft before the show aired." Vilannh says.

"FINE!" Mr. B snaps.

"FINE!" Viktoria quips. They both hang up at the same time. Vilannh sighs.

" Divas." She says rolling her eyes and hanging up.

...

_**Vicky199416: Grumble to the authors**_

Dear fanfic authors

why you no review? we like to get reviews for our work & we put time in. so why can you not click the button and say a couple of words BUT YOU CAN ALERT OR FAV!

...

_**Ashmoo2000 : general grumble to authors**_

...sometimes creative license should be revoked...

...

_**Peppermintyrose : grumble on behalf of gran**_

Fanfic turned Gran into a bit of an ogre - who just disapproves of Sookie, rather than loves her.

...

_**JelloDVDs : Grumble on behalf of Jason**_

When women get raped by one person it traumatizes them but when he get mass raped they don't give him any trauma. That always confused me.

...

_**Vikt0ria : Retorts to the characters:  
**_  
"Eric… you are just delicious you keep being you, you big Viking." she says. Eric smiles and Sookie slaps him in the arm.

"Pammy… I would Sooooo go lesbo… and shoe shopping with you." she says seductively with a wink and Pam's fangs click down.

"Bill… how is it that you are just the bane of every ones existence… fictional or real? I bet if you got your mouth off of AB's sack people would stop figuring out ways to kill you." she says to Bill. Bill's lips tremble, then he ducks his head to hide his shame.

"Lorena… of course Bill is mentally unstable, you raised him." she says rolling her eyes and mumbles "Psycho."

"Jason… sweetie Dawn was right you are dumber than a box of hair." She says looking at Jason in mock pity.

"Hey" Jason replied outraged

"But since you are so damn hot you are forgiven." She says and he brightens.

"Jessica… the smartest thing that you did was to get rid of Hoyt for him." she says nodding at Jason. "You two are perfect for each other… maybe you can smarten each other up?" she says.

She looks at everyone else to see who she's missed.

"Ms. Harris I absolutely love you… I hope you don't mind the liberties we take with your characters…" she glares at AB "At least some of ours aren't as crazy as his." he jerks her head in AB's direction.

"Laffy honey… you… you… I love you I do… you go girl and all that jazz..." She says snapping her fingers and Laffy snaps along "but dress better, and use better colours for your make up." She finishes.

"Hmph. Bitch!" Laffy says turning his body in his chair while crossing his legs and fan himself stopping momentarily to shoot daggers at Viktoria.

...

_**Ali989969 : grumbles to the authors**_

Making Arlene and Sookie besties... The fake red head was a user from the start and Sookie would never start a business, etc with her.

Killing off Alcide after Sookie marries him... I get that she needs to be available for Eric, but Alc (was) a decent guy and doesn't deserve being killed off.

On the flip side of that, A/H pairing of Alc Tray, or Bill and Eric as besties. Seriously? They hate each other. Humanizing them wouldn't make clashing personalities suddenly mesh.

Jessica as ERIC' S daughter...really?

...

_**vicky199416 : Grumble to the authors**_

dear fanfic authors

please keep the characters in character. We all know Eric isn't this vampire bunny slipper wearing person who only loves Sookie and wouldn't hurt a fly, so don't write it.

...

**A/N : It's so weird to put this on the 'completed' list...WOW! Thanks so much to everyone who read, reviewed and contributed!**

_**Vitzy : Threat to the authors**_

**Y'all better review or I'll never post the group grumbles...LOL! **

**Until next time...**

**Vitzy-**


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